Chronicles of the Wierd Zim Doom
by Empty Brooke
Summary: I was brain storming and I came up with the most rediculous, not to mention redundant, ideas. I thought that they were funny but none were long enough. So, whenever I think of one, I'm going to post it in this thing. That way people have one story per cha
1. Smexy Socks

**Chronicles of the Weird Zim Doom**

Chapter 1

Smexy socks

Zim's eyes scanned the room. He'd had quite the boring day in quite a boring classroom. The entire endeavor had left him smothered in his own self-pity. He pitied the fact that he had to be there and he pitied the fact that he was seen as a freak no matter how hard he tried to blend in with the horrible Earth monkeys. But, most of all, he pitied the human-Dib's pathetic attempt to expose him as the Irken that he truly was. Seriously, this had to be one of his lamest ploys. Yet the Irken was too wrapped in his boredom to really care as of yet.

Dib was hurrying around Zim's desk, slapping on little sticky notes. Zim hadn't read them yet but Dib knew that he would soon. So he took the most of the time that he had to place them up and worked away. He planned to get them all on before the class came back in from recess.

There was a hiss and a chink as the door was unlocked.

Dib's head jerked up. He scrambled to his feet and jumped out of the window like the other Earth-pigs always did when leaving the room. Then he was immersed in the sounds that the children in the playground made. But soon he had to walk back in and he smiled, as he knew that his plan would unfold in a moment.

Lately, Dib had been talking a great amount of liking to Zim's sudden depression. The alien had been so occupied with his own mind that Dib had been able to pull off a few little things that might convince people that he is an alien. At one point he had knocked his wig so far askew that he was sure that the other children had seen one of Zim's antennas poking out. Dib thought that Zita's mind was already being converted to the belief that Zim was, in fact, an alien from another planet bent on destroying them all. He was pretty sure…

The class filed into the room. But as soon as they passed Zim's desk each one froze and turned to look at the strange, green boy.

He seemed ok with the fact that he was covered to head to toe in sticky note paper. The children didn't even think that he realized that he was, in fact, covered with said paper. Zita lightly tapped Zim's shoulder in a failed attempt to gain his attention. When he did nothing but stir she tried so once more. This time Zim did turn to her. But his eyes were drooping and he seemed incredibly bored and down in the dumps. It was completely unlike himself.

"Uh… Zim? Are you aware that you're covered in head to toe in sticky note paper?"

"I am."

"Are you aware that every single one of those pieces of paper has something to do with you being an alien?"

His eyes lit up at that last part. Zim examined himself and his desk. Indeed everything written had something to do with him being something other than the creatures of this Earth. He hurriedly scrambled to get the pieces of paper off. The whole while Dib was laughing at him and the children were sort of giggling as well. Dib found it quite funny for Zim to be in such a panic after watching him do the entire thing. Truly, the little Irken being like this was a gift from above.

As Zim took the last piece of paper of he glared at Dib. Then a thought struck him. It was devious, clever and, most of all would scare the Dib-stink out of his mind. Plus, he'd be able to have a little bit of fun for once in who knows how long. So it was decided. Zim was going to scare the Dib-stink well, after school.

--- 

Dib stepped out of the school and started on his way home, ignoring the children who seemed to linger in the schoolyard. All he really wanted to do was get home and have a good amount of laugher. Maybe he'd set up another camera in Zim's house, just for the sake of it. He could go over and ask Gir to put it in the kitchen or the computer system itself! That would work! Yes, he'd have Zim on camera and this time the swollen eyeball association would see it for sure. He would make certain of that.

So he walked home, his hopes high, a smile on his face.

His sister, Gaz, who walked next to him, didn't look so happy. She had on her usual attire and she had her Game Slave 2 resting neatly in the palm of her hand. Dib could hear the constant clicking of the buttons and the sounds of violence that came from the game. But, today, the sounds didn't really bother him all that much. He was too wrapped in his happiness over Zim's depression to really care at all for what his sister did to him. Because he knew that taunting Zim would always help his mood out.

Suddenly, something struck his ankle and he was thrown to the ground with so much force that both of his shoes flew off of his feet. They went flying through the air until they were caught by a black-gloved hand with one two fingers less than what it should have.

Dib turned his spinning head around and looked at Zim. The alien was standing over the boy, a grin on his face, Dib's shoe in his hand. He looked like he was thinking something very evil and devious. Dib really didn't like how he looked just then. It scared the crud out of him. Zim looked like his old, normal self again and Dib was afeard that he wouldn't be able to bring his spirits up again because of it. 

Zim smiled wickedly at him and then opened his mouth to speak. "Hello Dib-stink. Having a good walk home? I hope that fall of yours didn't hurt of anything."

Dib was surprised. From his voice it actually, believe it or not, sounded like the Irken meant what he said. It sounded as though he actually cared if Dib got hurt or not. It actually sounded like Zim didn't want him to get hurt! Dib flinched back a little but said: 

"No. I'm fine."

"That's good."

Dib flinched again!

Zim looked down at his white socks and smiled. He turned his eyes back to Dib but didn't move his head to his direction. Just his eyes. Then he said:

"Your socks turn me on."

"What?!"

"Your socks turn me on," Zim repeated.

"My socks?!"

"Yes... They turn me on oh so well..." Zim smiled and crushed Dib's shoe in his hand.

Dib didn't like where this was going...

"Hey! Gaz!" Zim ran after Dib's sister, who had continued in her walk, not caring if he had fallen or not. "You hear that! His socks turn me on! Now I feel like destroying again!"

Dib's eyes were wide as dinner plates.

His head slammed against the pavement and he black out in a faint. 

--- 

Brooke: Just a little thing...

Zim: That was creepy.

Jack: I'll say.

Impmon: I think I'm gonna be sick!

Gir: I'll fetch the bucket!!!


	2. Zim Gets Drunk

**Chronicles of the Weird Zim Doom**

Chapter 2

Zim Gets Drunk!!

One day, as Zim was passing through the city in an attempt to gather the knowledge that Gir had not, he stumbled upon an old, run down place. It was quite smelly but, somehow, in a good way. That fact in itself was enough to get him curious enough to take a stroll inside and check it out for himself.

Once he was inside he found the small room to be filled with smoke and a strange smell that would have gotten into a disturbed and normal human's nostrils. He made little sicky noises as though the smoke and smell bothered him too. But they didn't really.

Currently he was dressed in his second most used costume. He looked like an old man with a long, white beard hanging from his face. Zim had a brown, trench coat wrapped around his body and thick, black boots on his feet. The boots made him look a little bit taller than he really was but they were awfully difficult to walk in.

Anyways, Zim explored the place, all the while wondering what kind of human could have thought it up. He stepped up to a countertop and seated himself in a high chair that only had three, long legs. He watched the humans around him, strong, tough, muscled men, downing large drinks of clear, yellow, brown and even black fluids.

He starred at one man as he downed the whole thing and then fell out of his chair. There was a resounding crack as his spine hit the ground and then the laughter than rang through the room as the other humans laughed at him. Zim raised an invisible brow to the humans' strange actions all because of some stupid little drink.

"Pathetic humans," he said to himself. "Zim would never fall victim to such a ridiculous thing!"

"Ok pal, what'll it be?"

Zim looked up at a very tall human. He had a white apron on around his waist and a black shirt on top. Zim wasn't able to see the colour of his pants from behind the apron but he assumed that they were black as well. The Irken looked at the human quizzically. The human back at him as he cleaned the remained fluids out of a glass in his hands. He merely whipped and waited for Zim to answer his question.

"What do you mean, human-glass cleaner?"

"I mean what do you want to drink?"

"Drink? Zim will not have your petty Earth drinks! Zim needs no drink!!"

"Is that so?" he leaned over the counter and put the glass down as he said this. "And I suppose that you think that you're better than us too, is that it?"

Zim nodded coldly at the bartender.

"Well then," he walked up to a barrel and held a glass at the spout. The man waited as a yellowish-brown fluid came pouring out and filled the glass up right close to the brim. He brought the glass back and set it down on the countertop in front of Zim. "If you think that you're so much better than us then I'd like to see you down this. It's one of the strongest drinks that we have and I highly doubt you'll be able to do it."

"How can a drink be strong?" Zim asked. "And of course I can 'down' it! I am ZIM!" He accented the ZIM.

People from around the bar found what Zim and the bartender doing to be interesting. They leaned in close to see what would happen next. When Zim just starred at the drink before him they all began in a chant to urge him on to down the drink.

"Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!"

Zim took hold of the drink before him and starred at it from behind his human contacts. He put his lips to the rim, the human still chanting him to drink the strange human fluid. He tipped it slightly, letting the cool liquid move down his throat. Surprisingly, it didn't sting or hurt him, so Zim tipped the whole glass and swallowed the drink in one, huge gulp.

There was a ringing crow of cheers and hoorays as Zim set the glass down on the counter. He smiled and wiped the remaining fluid from his lips. The Irken in disguise smirked at the bartender and leaned his elbow on the counter. "Zim told you so."

"Oh, yeah?" The bartender-human set another glass on the table. "Let's see how far you can go with that stupid, cocky attitude."

There was a series of whooos that came after he said that.

Zim grabbed the drink.

---

Dib took hold of the test tube. He sighed and carefully tried to drip the liquid within it into the other test tube in his other hand. His dad said that when he was dealing with chemicals like that he had to be very careful at how much ha added. Otherwise he could create an explosion that could destroy the entire world and everything in it! Dib was constantly on the lookout for his sister, whom of which had tried to trip him up on a number of accounts.

He carefully tried to pour…

"Dib-stink!"

He jerked around so suddenly he almost dropped the test tubes. Dib stared at the doorway to the lab, up the stairs, and he saw a very familiar face standing and starring at him. "Zim? Why are you here? Did my dad let you in?" He frowned. "Go away. I'm not in an exposing mood today. Come back tomorrow and I'll get my camera to expose you then."

"No, Dib-stink. I cannot…" He wobbled as he walked down the stairs. Dib could smell smoke filling the room and he realised that Zim had a cigarette in his mouth. "I talk-ed… I dance-ed… I drank-ed sampagne…" (LOL, watch the movie Short Circuit 2 to get this scene! It's from after Ben's date.)

"What are you talking about Zim?"

Zim reached the bottom of the stairs and wobbled over to Dib. The paranormal boy could see the glassiness of his eyes and how weird he was looking. The sudden shock hit Dib like a pile of bricks and he had to put the test tubes down before he said what he was about to say. He set them down carefully, Zim watching him do it the whole time. Then he turned back to the alien boy. I can't believe that you went out and got drunk. Some superior alien race you came from. You take a few little drinks of alcohol and you get drunk. How pathetic."

"Not a few, little humans…"

"Humans?"

"Yes… There are 5 Dib's now. How did you get into my cloning machine? Or do you have one? Anyways, Zim did not have a mere few drinks… Zim had 78! Not a mere few! No other human-filthy-stink-pig could have that much!" Then he laughed.

Dib frowned even more. "You're drunk."

"You're sexy." Zim touched his face and smiled a little bit.

Dib felt a cold shiver run up his spine. He screamed and ran, Zim chasing him the whole time.

Gaz took her chance to make it up to the table. She took the two test tubes in her hands and looked at them a moment. "Destroy the human race… Or live on in filth…" she quietly debated to herself. "Destroy the human race… Or live on in filth… Destroy the human race… Or live on in filth… Destroy the human race… Or live on in filth…" She took a moment of silence to run this over in her mind.

Then she yelled:

"**Destroy the human race!**"

Gaz poured all of one of the test tube's liquid into the other and smiled as it made contact.

Silence.

Her smile faded.

"That didn't destroy all human life as we know it!" She fell to her knees, crushing the test tubes in her hands. "Dad! You lied to us!!" Fire formed around her form the fury that she so harboured within.

---

Brooke: Yep. So that was chapter two. This isn't really a story. Just little things that I come up with in brainstorming sessions. I've wrote them down for the longest time but I've never actually posted them because they were never long enough for my liking. Well, I decided to post them all like this, just little stories that you can read. Little tales that I've come up with. More to come so read on my FanFiction brethren, read on.


	3. The READER

**Chronicles of the Weird Zim Doom**

Chapter 3

The R.E.A.D.E.R.

"…And that, class, is another reason of how the congregational institution of imbeciles that run this country will doom us all once more. It is only inevitable… So it's best to accept your fate and learn about it so that your lives can be pointless and meaningless like it should be. Now, let's move on to reason two hundred seventy-four. Shall we? The two hundredth seventy-fourth reason why the congregational institution of imbeciles that run this country will doom us all is thus follows. We are now in the section of rain, by the way. Anyways, the government, as they so enjoy calling themselves, will gather together the rain that falls onto each city in an attempt to purify it all. Of courses that is impossible, what with the toxins that they spill day in and day out in their labs under the ground. These toxins will seep their way into the rain filters and will contaminate the water further. When the rainwater is released back into the rivers from whence it originally came it will, once more, be sucked into the clouds by a process that was not, and never will be, described in the textbooks. It's true, you can search through all 7000 pages if you would like to. So, the water comes back down to us and then the toxins burn the flesh right out of you and it melts off of your bones so that it can quietly drip onto the ground. No doubts, however, the dripping will he drowned out by the screaming that you will most likely do, seeing as you will be losing your life every single moment that passes you by. And that, class, is another reason of how the congregational institution of imbeciles that run this country will doom us all once more. It is only inevitable… So it's best to accept your fate and learn all about it so that your lives can be pointless and meaningless like it should me. Now, let's move on to reason two hundred seventy-five. Shall we? The two hundredth seventy-fifth reason why the congregational institution of imbeciles that run this county will doom us all is thus follows. They will take a large bunny rabbit, bred in the labs that they have hidden in the minds of you all, and then will infect it with a poisonous gas without knowing it. The rabbit will escape and cause damage all over the world, being able to jump from one continent to the next in a single hop, and will be the talk of the media. Unknowingly, said rabbit will release the deadly spores into our atmosphere, adding to the horrible grunge that already dwells and waits for life to kill. This gas will rain down and all you children, who frolic so happily in the water droplets, will become sick and die a horrible death!" Ms. Bitters looked around at the terrified faces of the classroom. Each one, save for Zim, an 'alien' and Dib, a paranormal, crazy kid, looked utterly horrified. Willy had fallen out of his seat. "And that, class, is another reason of how the congregational institution of imbeciles that run this country will doom us all once more. It is only inevitable… So it's best to accept your fate and learn about it so that your lives can be pointless and meaningless like it should be. Now, let's move on to reason two hundred seventy-six, shall we? The two hundredth seventy-sixth reason why the congregational institution of imbeciles that run this country will doom us all is thus follows…"

Dib stopped listening and turned his attention out of the window. The day had progressed in the most boring way. Ms. Bitters had talked about the same thing for constant hours and almost the entire class was completely, and utterly, terrified of their future. After that last one, Dib was certain that they wouldn't play in the rain for quite some time. That was good in regards to the fact that every single one of them needed to grow up.

He looked over to Zim and saw him just sitting, there, surprisingly. The alien boy hadn't really done anything to occupy himself for a while now. That surprised Dib an awful lot. But, then again, Zim wasn't just sitting. No, he had the most evil grin his face, he did. He looked so evil that he could have had a plan to wipe out the entire human race with but one claw and enough energy to open a jar of peanut butter. (Yum!)

Dib felt beads of sweet as they ran down his cheeks. He could feel them sink to his chin and then drip down and land, quietly, on his jacket. He was feeling very nervous about that devilish grin that he had. It was so strange, so bizarre. It said that he wanted to destroy someone and that he knew exactly how he was going to do it. The lack of screaming told Dib that Zim was about to execute his plan, maybe?

But Dib smiled. He had and knew something that Zim did not. And he was glad that he knew it because know he would be able to see what Zim's plan was without the alien knowing at all. It was an ingenious plan that he had come up with about a week ago.

While brainstorming in his room on how to get rid of Zim and make sure that he was either exposed or left the planet his sister had walked in. She had been shaking a box of Franken Crunchies, her favorite type of cookie. He

From what Dib was able to hear the box was empty and there were no more of his sister's favorite snack left. Gaz had inquired him about it, asking where they had all gone. After swearing that he hadn't done anything, and lying by doing so, Gaz said, quote unquote "I want to read your mind and tell if you're lying to me…" Then she walked out of the room, leaving Dib with not only a smile but also the greatest idea ever!

It was that day that Dib created the redesigned electronic activation decoder enabling reconstruction. Or, as Dib so enjoyed calling it, The R.E.A.D.E.R. It was a completely atomized, electronic device that would the thoughts in someone's mind and process it so that it was readable on a surface. For said surface he had selected his desk for the time. This only made sense seeing as he was at school a lot of the time, if not most. Awhile back, while in a fight with Zim, Dib had implanted the R.E.A.D.E.R. main circuit onto Zim in a place that he would never find it. So, Dib was finally going to use the R.E.A.D.E.R. and see what was going on in Zim's sick, twisted, cynical, insane, not to mention deranged, mind. Yes! Ha!

Dib ran his finger along the topmost part of his desk where a pencil line was carved. He waited as the curve glowed a dull green and then smiled as it was activated and his desk flashed once. Dib hurriedly looked at the others in the classroom. Luckily, no one, not even Zim had seen that, they were too engrossed in the story that Ms. Bitters was currently telling. He smiled and put on a pair of purple glasses. The technology that he had used for the device was somewhat taken from Tak's ship. Not directly mind you but in idea. So, what he was using was, technically, Irken technology. But Dib had every confidence that it would work for him. He'd worked out whatever bugs that could have been in it and now he was sure that it was ready for testing.

Dib watched the screen as it blinked to life.

It read as follows:

"I wonder what the Dib-stink is thinking about… Obviously he's wondering about my evil plan…"

_Heh heh… no… I'm about to read it!_

"Hmm… I wonder what the Dib tastes like…"

Dib froze but he still read on.

"Maybe like a bag of donuts… nice snack food… yes… yum! I'm sure the Dib would taste something like that. Maybe I could give him a little lick the next time we fight… I missed the last time."

Dib flinched.

"And what about his sister? She might tastes good. I've always thought that the Gaz-human might taste very good. A few licks on the cheek and I'll know for sure. But I'll have to get her to like me first. I'll develop a 'friendship' with the Gaz-human so that I can get close enough to give her a taste. Maybe if the humans taste good enough, despite their horrible smells, I could sell them. Ha! I could turn Earth into another food planet! Or I could sell them to Sizz-Lorr on Foodcoutia! That'd square the fueling anger between us. If they taste good enough I could sell them and aliens all over the galaxies can come to feast on the delicious humans. There should be enough of them."

Dib felt so tense!

"Yes. That's what I'll do. I'll taste the humans, make sure their good. I already tried Gaz once before… She was ok from what I tasted but I want a better one. Just in case. So then I'll do it. I'll turn Earth into a giant teleporter and send all the delicious human meat to Sizz-Lorr so that he can drain them of their sweet blood candies and the customers can feast on their yummy humans flesh!"

"Ah!!" Dib screamed.

Everyone in the class stared at him.

"**ZIMWANTSTOSELLTHEHUMANRACETOAGIANTALIENONFOODCOUTIAANDMAKEITSO THATALLALIENSCANEATANDDRAINUSOFOURSWEETBLOODCANDIESANDEATUSALLUPANDWE'LLNEVERSURVIVEANDHE'SGOINGTOEATUSANDHETRIEDTOLICKMYSISTERANDME!! WEGOTTAGETOUTORHE'LLEATUSALLANDHE'LLKILLUSANDRAINUSOFOURBODILYFLUIDSANDHE'LLEAT OURFLESH!! ANDTHEALIENS!! ANDTHEBLOODCANDIES!! AND THE… THE… AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"**

Then Dib ran out of the room, still screaming.

Ms. Bitters turned back to the class. "Now… AS I was saying…"

Zim flicked the device on the side of his head. He frowned. "Stupid Earth boy…." He pulled it off and threw it across the room so that it stuck to Ms. Bitters. "That'll give him something to think about the next time he tries that thing…" Then Zim laughed.

But the class stared at him and he stopped…

---

Brooke: I don't even know where the hell this one came from… Maybe the deepest crevices of my mind… LOL

Zim: I'll say…


	4. The Most Spaztic Romance Ever

**Chronicles of the Weird Zim Doom**

Chapter 4

The Most Spaztic Romance Ever

"OMG! Zim!" Dib came running up to Zim from far down the street. He hurried over to the Irken and started to pant because he was so tired from running so much.

"Dib-stink? What do you want?"

"I found out the most wonderful thing!" He spread his arms out wide to express how wonderful said 'thing' was.

"Should I care?"

"Yes! It involves you!"

"Ah! Did you find out about the pencil and the duck? I swear! It wasn't me! They have no proof that I did it! No one knows that I did it! They don't have any video feed! That cannot prove that it was me who did it! They need proof! Proof! Proof, I tell you! Proof GODDAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!** It wasn't me! My tallest believe me! Anyone could tell you that I didn't do it! They could tell you that I did nothing! Nothing! The pencil was just there and the duck was there! Who could have resisted anyways?! It was impossible to resist! Impossible I say! Not that I couldn't… No! Because I am of the great Irken Empire and they will never be defeated by a pencil and a duck! Never!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Never I freaking tell you! N! E! V! E! R! NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!** Do you understand me you Dib-worm of horrible sink?! No one knows that I could have done it! No filthy human can prove it! They have nothing to say so but a bunch of people testifying so! That could have been paid! Paid, I say! Paid I didn't do the pencil and the duck crime! I didn't! GODDAMMIT I DIDN"T DO WHAT THEY CLAIM TO HAVE SEEN ME DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM ZIM! I WOULD NEVER BE CAUGHT HAVING A PENCIL TO THAT TO THE DUCK! AND I DON'T CARE WHAT PROFESSIONALS SAY! THE MACCARANA WAS NO INVOLVED WHEN IT HAPPEDNED! THERE WAS NO DANCING OF THE LEAD AND THERE WAS NO MACCARANA! Maybe the cha-cha… BUT THAT'S IT!!! I DID NOTHING STINK-PIG AND IF YOU GO AGAINST ME THEN I WILL VAPORIZE YOU WILL MY GUN OF DEATH! I don't have it here but I could take you home and destroy you there! I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PENCIL AND THE DUCK!!!!!!!"

"Pencil… and the duck?" Dib raised a brow.

"N- Never mind… Anyways, Dib-worm… What is it that you wish to tell Zim? I am very busy, you know. I don't have time to sit around with a stupid stink-pig and do the chat-chit. That's just stupid and unneeded of an Irken soldier."

"You mean chit-chat?"

"WHATEVER!! GET ON WITH IT OR I AM LEAVING RIGHT NOW!!!!"

"**I love you Zimmy-kins!!!"**

"Eh…?"

Dib tried to hug Zim but the Irken pushed him away. "I love you so much Zim! I wanna hugglez you and cuddles you and be all angsty and shit like that! Please! Let me hug you and be all angsty and shit like that! Please!"

"No! Ah! Get away from me you stupid Dib-worm! You disgust me!" Zim puished him to the ground and ran down the street. Dib heard him yell into a com-device and he said: "Gir! Fetch the bucket and have it ready at the door when I get there! Hurry! Now!"

Dib sat there and cried on the street. "No one loves me…"

Then he got an idea and he hurried home.

---

Dib burst in, scaring the crap out of his dad. His sister glanced upwards at him as their dad ran out of the room, screaming. Dib smiled as he went and the looked at his sis, who was playing games on the TV in the living room. She had some pizza on the table and looked to be in a particularly bad mood. Dib smiled and thought that he would cheer her up. Boy was that stupid.

"Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz! Gaz!"

"God damn it! What do you want Dib?!"

"I luff you!"

Gaz's eye twitched. "I DON"T LOVE YOU!"

---

Dib lay sprawled on the floor of his room. He had the shit kicked out of him. "Aw… not even my family loves me… I'm so alone!" He took a knife and cut himself. "I'm all EMO like on wha!!!" Then he died.

And that was the end of Dib.

Love killed him.

Ha! Sucker!

---

Brooke: Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Oh! I love writing that chapter! I loved that one so much! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Zim" You're very odd today…

Brooke: I know!!!

Jack: Yeah… I'm going away now…

Impmon: I'm coming too…


	5. BUNNY

**Chronicles of the Weird Zim Doom**

Chapter 5

Bionic Utility Nervous Neurotic Yapomaticatron

Gir sighed. He was very bored. It wasn't a normal boredom either. He was so bored that he had reverted to opening and closing his head for amusement. He sighed again. This had been a repetitive task that he'd taken up. The little robot had been up all night trying to think of something to do. Sadly, he'd come up with nothing. The hot days of summer were annoyingly boring and he had to accept that as a fact. Without doing so he'd never be able to play with his piggies… Or so was his logic.

Zim passed through the room. He adjusted his wig and popped in his contacts as he ran for the door. Gir's antenna rose and he leapt off of the couch.

"Master! Master! Where are you going?"

Zim turned. "To skool. Stay here Gir and guard the base, Dib's been very active lately and I don't want him getting in to photograph my new weapon. That's what you have to guard most of all!"

"What new weapon?" Gir was getting excited again.

Zim frowned. "You're not to touch the weapon Gir. Only guard it. You can't miss it. Go down to the equipment room and make a left at the combustion ray gun. It's malfunctioning too so be careful when you go around it. The weapon's big and purple. Stand by it all day. Bring your pigs if you get bored." Zim check the clock. "I'm going to be late!" Then he rushed out of the door and was gone.

Gir smiled. He ran to the kitchen, giggling the whole way, and then he dove down the chute in the garbage can to the equipment room. Running along the tracks he made his way around the malfunctioning combustion ray gun and crossed the hall to the large, sheet covered object at the very end. He ripped the sheet off and marveled.

There were so many buttons!

Gir giggled. "Which one should I push?"

He went for a big red one.

There was a flash.

---

Gir opened his eyes. He didn't feel any different. He sighed again. Then he decided that he'd go to the kitchen. He felt hungry and wanted something orange and green. He went back past the malfunctioning combustion ray gun and back up the chute to the kitchen. It was only when he reached for the fridge door did he realize what was wrong with his hand.

It was fluffy.

Gir screamed. He looked at his reflection in a polished toaster. He screamed again. He looked at the picture of the monkey in the living room. He screamed again. Then he looked back at his hands. He screamed. He looked at his reflection in the toaster. He screamed. He looked at the monkey picture in the living room. He screamed. This pattern went on for 3 hours.

When he calmed down he ran out the door and into the street.

Then he yelled to the world. "I'm a BUNNY!"

A car went by and hit him.

Gir was flattened.

"Now I'm flat!" he yelled out before curling into a strange ball and sucking his thumb. Then he went to sleep.

---

Brooke: … yeah…

Zim: What's going on!? Where am I!?

Brooke: Hi, peoplez. I'm back for the time being. Here's a beginning update for now.

Zim: ANSWER ME!


	6. Cuter Body Snatchers

**Chronicles of the Weird Zim Doom**

Chapter 6   
Cuter Body Snatchers 

Gaz quietly played her new Game Slave 2, content that she'd been able to avoid Dib for the most part during the day.. Lately she'd been feeling more contempt for her brother than usual so it was good that she had something to take her find off of the picture of Dib in pain or something remotely like that.

Dib was sort of depressed lately. He'd been trying again and again to stop Zim and he knew that the alien had a plan to destroy the Earth but he couldn't figure out just what it might have been. The fact that he couldn't find out was driving him mad. Dib had currently taken up looking out of the front window a lot of the time. He was bored and always looking for something to do or someone to talk to.

It was only after completing the 3rd level of Vampire Hog Slayer, a new game that came out after Vampire Piggy Slayer, that Dib came bursting through the door, panting heavily.

"Gaz!" he said. "Come quick!"

"I'm playing my game Dib. Come back when I'm done. Never."

"There's no time for that!" Dib grabbed her arm and pulled her along beside him to the front window. All the while she kept playing her game. Once they reached the window, Dib pulled the chair that he'd been using to look outside and then had Gaz step up onto it with him. "There, there! You see it?"

Gaz looked out the window at the creature on the lawn. "It's a squirrel Dib. Nothing spectacular about that."

But Dib didn't listen. He looked out at the squirrel and frowned. He pointed to it from behind the windowpane, accusingly. "But look at him, just look. See how he stands on his back legs?"

Gaz nodded. "Yeah, so what? It's not a crime, you know."

"No. But as he eats that nut! He's standing on his back legs! Like a man!" Gaz didn't have any comment for that. She looked up pausing her Game Slave 2 and staring questionably at her brother, one eye had opened fully. "Think about it, Gaz," continued Dib. "Think about an entire race of body snatchers that could mimic our movements like that squirrel. Think body snatchers! But cuter! So very much cuter!!" Dib eyes shifted.

Gaz sighed. "You know Dib, you might just be right."

"Really?"

"Oh, SURE." Gaz rolled her eyes and then leapt off the chair with Dib. "In fact," she said, pushing him towards the door. "This could be Zim's new plot. He could be manipulating the squirrels in order to get into every house in the country and take them over from the inside out with brain probes or something like that."

"Oh, I never thought of that."

Gaz opened the door. "You better go and stop him before he takes over the Earth!"

Dib's face brightened. "Yes! Finally! My time has come! Zim!" he yelled into the street, pointing at Zim, who was standing in the road, a metal square device in his hands. "I'm coming to get you! I'll stop your evil plan to take over the human race by getting your squirrel minions to go into their houses and put brain probes on them!"

Gaz looked out the door. "Zim?"

"Foolish hu-mans!" screamed Zim. "You are far too late to stop me! Your time is at an end! I shall have these squirrels go into the homes of every human in this city. Then, while everyone is asleep I will place brain probes on every human in the house and then have the squirrels gnaw off the teeth of every comb in sight! After discovering their combs ruined the probes will kick in, causing the humans to go on a rampage and destroy every major city within 200,00 miles!" Zim laughed evilly!

"We'll see about that!" Dib ran into the street. The surprised Zim began to run and Dib chased him down the block. Gaz watched as he came back, 5 minutes later, 100 squirrels chasing him and biting at his clothes. Her brother ran down the street. Zim ran after him, controlling the squirrels and laughing the whole way as they gnawed at bit at Dib's ankles and feet. Dib screamed as he ran away.

Gaz turned to her right. The little robot dog that she knew belonged to Zim was sitting by the door and eating a waffle. She raised a brow. He looked at her.

"Wanna play multiplayer Vampire Hog Slayer?" she asked him.

"Do yooooooooooooooooooou know where the witch doctor went with my love?"

"I'll take that as a yes then?"

"I told the itch doctor I was in love with you! I told the witch doctor I was in love with you! And then the witch doctor, he told me what to do. He told me oo ee oo aa aa, ting tang, walla walla bing bang, oo ee oo aa aa, ting tang, walla walla bang bang!" Gir walked into the house, oblivious to the squirrels eating Dib and Zim's insane laughter and then cry for help as the control for the squirrels broke and they chased after him as well.

Gaz and Gir played Vampire Hog Slayer for 3 hours.

Dib and Zim sat on a lamppost, back to back for 3 hours.

Evil, zombie squirrels waited to eat Dib and Zim for 3 hours.

---

Brooke: I actually dreamt up something like this last night except I was in Zim's place. Scrad Royal was in Gir's place. Sage Turnim was in Gaz's place and Dragen Itoshida was in Dib's place. Oh, and the squirrels were demons.

If you don't know whom Scrad, Sage and Dragen are then go to might deviantart account. The link is on my page. Actually, I won't post the picture of Dragen for another 2-3 days so sit tight for him.

**   
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